1. While Eric Clapton may be the greatest living rock guitarist Duane Allman was already there at age 25.
2. The 1993 Dallas Cowboys were, are and will be the most dominant football team ever.
3. If Hillary Clinton walked a mile in polyester pants her thighs would start a devastating forest fire.
4. Sometimes, the perfect fajita marinade and the coldest of beer are better then sex.
5. #4 is rarely true but when it is it is orgasmic
6. Blind Faith is human stupidity
7. The first minute of GNR Sweet Child o Mine may be the most gripping rock ever.
8. The world did not end in 1972
9. Humans are NOT abducted by aliens. However, your sweat socks are.
10. Justin Timberlake--OVERRATED
11. At this point in time in the United States, your vote does not really count. It may technically tally up towards your candidate, but given the choices we have to vote for it is essentially one in the same.
12. #11 just pissed of a lot of patriots, but please refer to Garth Wyndham-Price's cooperative anarchy.
13. The Holy Bible is not entirely Holy nor is it the Gospel as in good news. Just read St. Johns bad mushroom trip in Revelations and you tell me that is good news.
14. The world did not end in 1976
15. G. W. Bush is not as smart as he appears.
16. Competitive farting should be allowed in the Olympics-for God's sake we let synchronized swimming in.
17. Bill Clinton is wanker with a curve
18. Some say Larry King is overrated, but for a 4 year old corpse his work is commendable.
19. The funniest guy on late night talk is the Scottish guy--give the bloke a Guinness and hagas
20. If Jesus was Hebrew why did he have a Mexican name? Huh, makes you think...
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Friday, September 21, 2007
The Wonder Bread of Southern Rock
Guest Columnist Cameron S. Thompson
Lynyrd Skinyrd's Southern anthem "Freebird" is perhaps the most popular song of Southern Rock fans. However, it has suffered the same demise as Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven". It is interesting that fantastic songs can lose their luster by over exposure.
In the 1980's invariably there were several drunk pseudo-cowboys screaming "Freebird" at last call. Many bands complied and that was the beginning of the downward spiral of the Wonder Bread of Southern Rock. The Allman Brothers band may have a valid argument about that one moment when Southern Rock reached the pinnacle of Rock Stardom.
However, "Freebird" came at the right moment and the three hour solo at the end of the song did not hurt fan the fervor at concerts. But, then "Freebird" became trite. Cover bands used it for their closing set, movies used it to depict anything from entering the deep south to reminiscing the '70's. But as all trite things they soon run their course and vanish into the Kingdom of Triteness.
"Freebird" has had a recent resurrection used in an emotionally inspiring way that brings back the great memories that "Freebird" once evoked. "Freebird" was used in Forest Gump when his long time love, Jenny, coked out, is on the ledge contemplating suicide. The song has even made it into pop-culture iconic status as the Simpsons. Perhaps, the most amusing and moving use of "Freebird" is in Cameron Crowe's movie "Elizabethtown". The Skynird version is not even used, but the passion and humor is moving to any lover of the song.
But, for God's sake please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please quit shouting "Freebird" at last call at a local club. The original reason to shout "Freebird" was prompted by a DJ who thought it would be funny to do so at a Florence Henderson concert--I agree that is hilarious, but any other use of the shout should result in the immediate removal of the taint meat of said shouter.
Lynyrd Skinyrd's Southern anthem "Freebird" is perhaps the most popular song of Southern Rock fans. However, it has suffered the same demise as Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven". It is interesting that fantastic songs can lose their luster by over exposure.
In the 1980's invariably there were several drunk pseudo-cowboys screaming "Freebird" at last call. Many bands complied and that was the beginning of the downward spiral of the Wonder Bread of Southern Rock. The Allman Brothers band may have a valid argument about that one moment when Southern Rock reached the pinnacle of Rock Stardom.
However, "Freebird" came at the right moment and the three hour solo at the end of the song did not hurt fan the fervor at concerts. But, then "Freebird" became trite. Cover bands used it for their closing set, movies used it to depict anything from entering the deep south to reminiscing the '70's. But as all trite things they soon run their course and vanish into the Kingdom of Triteness.
"Freebird" has had a recent resurrection used in an emotionally inspiring way that brings back the great memories that "Freebird" once evoked. "Freebird" was used in Forest Gump when his long time love, Jenny, coked out, is on the ledge contemplating suicide. The song has even made it into pop-culture iconic status as the Simpsons. Perhaps, the most amusing and moving use of "Freebird" is in Cameron Crowe's movie "Elizabethtown". The Skynird version is not even used, but the passion and humor is moving to any lover of the song.
But, for God's sake please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please quit shouting "Freebird" at last call at a local club. The original reason to shout "Freebird" was prompted by a DJ who thought it would be funny to do so at a Florence Henderson concert--I agree that is hilarious, but any other use of the shout should result in the immediate removal of the taint meat of said shouter.
How to be a car salesperson
Approach the customer and warmly greet them and then use terminology similar to this: " Yeah, rebate--coefficient of drag, horsepower, zero percent, ABS, JD Powers--safety ratings-- airbags, talk to my manager, special price, zero to 70, do you a favor, test drive, leg room, engine, 38 cubit feet, horsepower, see my business manager, color selection, Motor Trend, side curtain Car and Driver, alpine air filled air bags, gas mileage, great trade in, Motor Trend, .39 coefficient of drag, dual exhaust safety horn, safety crumple zone seat warmers, all wheel drive air conditioner, can I earn your business today?
Works every time. Oh if they do try to leave, throw their trade in keys on the roof.
Works every time. Oh if they do try to leave, throw their trade in keys on the roof.
Thursday, September 06, 2007
lol ;)--hey don't pee in me Tea or I'll give you one in shcnauz
Both of you that read my blog know that I have a habit of getting wordy. I think my biggest issue may be the quasi-synthetic flavors I give the Ionic rythms of my rhetoric blah abalablahbllahll.
Briefly, by brief I mean under 3,000 words, I am concerned about what You Tube and sites like it are doing to our written means of communication. OK, I know there is not a soul that is looking for perfect grammar on these boards, but should one get slammed for putting 3 sentences together? I gave a brief editorial on why I thought Freebird was the peak of Southern Rock anthems and was slammed for my thoughts. I did not think it was that cerebral nor did I feel I was writing down to the audience, but slammed I was.
I should be fair, I made some editorial comments on the "Infinite Godness" of Guns and Roses, and got some thumbs up. I am on the cusp of being a baby boomer and Gen Xer, but love bands like Sum41 and Mest, but think it's OK to give a 3 line written comment without being called mr. Smartypants...and by the way sir it is Lord Smarty, Third Duchee of Pants, and Protectorate of the Royal Garter.
Good Day Sir and for my Gen Yers that means "tsup Vfly owt".
As a post script, todays article was to be entitled "Only Virgins Need Apply". Please drop me a line and let me know if my choice was correct.
Briefly, by brief I mean under 3,000 words, I am concerned about what You Tube and sites like it are doing to our written means of communication. OK, I know there is not a soul that is looking for perfect grammar on these boards, but should one get slammed for putting 3 sentences together? I gave a brief editorial on why I thought Freebird was the peak of Southern Rock anthems and was slammed for my thoughts. I did not think it was that cerebral nor did I feel I was writing down to the audience, but slammed I was.
I should be fair, I made some editorial comments on the "Infinite Godness" of Guns and Roses, and got some thumbs up. I am on the cusp of being a baby boomer and Gen Xer, but love bands like Sum41 and Mest, but think it's OK to give a 3 line written comment without being called mr. Smartypants...and by the way sir it is Lord Smarty, Third Duchee of Pants, and Protectorate of the Royal Garter.
Good Day Sir and for my Gen Yers that means "tsup Vfly owt".
As a post script, todays article was to be entitled "Only Virgins Need Apply". Please drop me a line and let me know if my choice was correct.
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Vick Goes Down, Pro Choice, Pro Life and Lesbos Unite
So Michael Vick goes down. He is now admitting his savagery of breeding and fighting pit-bulls. So all enlightened can feel happy, self-righteous and pat each other on the back. State will now pass bills that will make it illegal or even more illegal (can something be more illegal--see undocumented workers versus illegal aliens). Mark one for the good guys these sweet lovable animals will now be raised to become family dogs rather than dogs that can bring a bull down, for which they were bred.
No longer will there be carcasses thrown aside because they are no longer needed by the owner. This will no longer happen to pit-bulls, but viable humans will be partially delivered and their brains will be sucked out of their heads and its carcass is thrown aside. How enlightened do you feel now?
Howl and scream all you want about the women's right to choose, but once that women is 8 months old in the womb she should have the same rights. Believe it or not I am not Anti-abortion. There are times they should be done, but since we are all enlightened and we use condoms and birth control their is little need for abortion--right.
I think PETA, GLAAD, and all Pro-Life groups, as well as pro-baby groups, pro-grandparents and pro- Aunts and Uncles should form a coalition to see that third tri-mester babies receive the same right as pit-bulls. After we take the first step of being equal to pit-bulls we can then start a campaign that third trimester babies are people.
I did leave out one special interest group that could also benefit from us not killing babies in the mothers womb, and that is all the straight parents that are unable to have children but would love to nurture one. However, when you can make an alliance with PETA, GLAAD and the NRA you will get some media coverage. I think most in the NRA would support not killing children in their mother's womb. Now that is a coalition PETA, NRA and GLAAD. Just imagine the parade all floats would be powered by hybrid vehicles. The NRA members could have their 12 gauge painted the Gay pride colors and wear leather thongs. Meanwhile, PETA would supply large amounts of carrots for the colorful GLAAD members to throw to the crowd. Keep your calendar open for this one
No longer will there be carcasses thrown aside because they are no longer needed by the owner. This will no longer happen to pit-bulls, but viable humans will be partially delivered and their brains will be sucked out of their heads and its carcass is thrown aside. How enlightened do you feel now?
Howl and scream all you want about the women's right to choose, but once that women is 8 months old in the womb she should have the same rights. Believe it or not I am not Anti-abortion. There are times they should be done, but since we are all enlightened and we use condoms and birth control their is little need for abortion--right.
I think PETA, GLAAD, and all Pro-Life groups, as well as pro-baby groups, pro-grandparents and pro- Aunts and Uncles should form a coalition to see that third tri-mester babies receive the same right as pit-bulls. After we take the first step of being equal to pit-bulls we can then start a campaign that third trimester babies are people.
I did leave out one special interest group that could also benefit from us not killing babies in the mothers womb, and that is all the straight parents that are unable to have children but would love to nurture one. However, when you can make an alliance with PETA, GLAAD and the NRA you will get some media coverage. I think most in the NRA would support not killing children in their mother's womb. Now that is a coalition PETA, NRA and GLAAD. Just imagine the parade all floats would be powered by hybrid vehicles. The NRA members could have their 12 gauge painted the Gay pride colors and wear leather thongs. Meanwhile, PETA would supply large amounts of carrots for the colorful GLAAD members to throw to the crowd. Keep your calendar open for this one
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