A Sublime and Celestial Philosophy for a Utopian Societ

Achem's Razor is a theory that states the best solution to a problem is usually the simplest. Quite by surprise I viewed an example of this on Mad TV with guest host Bob Newhart. The patient came in and explained her issues to Bob Newhart said, "OK, are you ready for the therapy...STOP IT!" The patient was shocked, but Newhart explained stop the behavior and you won't have the problem any longer.

Think about it, if we just stopped all the despicable behavior we would have Heaven on Earth:

• The fighting between the Jews and the Muslims--Stop It!
• The fighting between the US and the Muslims--Stop It!
• The contentious in-fighting between the political parties--Stop It!
• The racial in-equities and bigotry--Stop It!
• World Hunger--Stop It!
• Cancer--Stop It!
• Al Gore's public appearance and questionable lisp--Stop IT!
• Clay Aikens---Please, Please, Please--Stop IT!
• Girls Gone Wild-- well this is the exception that proves the rule.

Just some thoughts, please feel free to add to the list and perhaps we can get a world movement to start our earthly Utopia. Rock and Roll Aint Noise Pollution.

Revelations, 9/11 and REM

"In a fire, representing seven games, in a government for hire in a combat site." I will not reveal which verse of the bible this comes from, but clearly it is prophetic and could very aptly describe our current situation. Another troubling scripture is,"Overflow, population, common food, but it will do. Save yourself, serve yourself. World serves its own needs..." As Christians we should not be surprised by the prophecies of the coming tribulations.

Recently, rabbinical experts found an apocryphal document that revealed absolute shocking proof of Heavenly prophecy. The initial verse translates to," That's great, it starts with an earthquake, birds and snakes, ( and a word that translates to aeroplane or flying machine)." Clearly, we have already felt the impact of the earthquake with the horrific tsunami that struck South East Asia. Likewise, the scourge of the bird flu continues to spread over our planet. Finally, the reference to the flying machine(s) can only be a reference to the 9/11 tragedy. Even more convincingly a few verses down closely translates to"Look at that low flying plane! Fine then-- Uh Oh." This must be the final prayers sent to God by those trapped in the unthinkable hell of the twin towers."

Now more than ever, we must tithe, pray and support our fellow Christian brothers and sisters. It is more important than ever that we financially support our Churches to prepare for the upcoming tragedies that will be inflicted on the Holy chosen one's of God's flock. Likewise, it would be wise for all to start stocking up on canned and freezed dried goods to help us make it through the Tribulation. As a Christian Brotherhood we will do our best to care for all our members, but there may be times when one must be self-sufficient. Your tithes are greatly appreciated , but in this dire and eminent crisis all financial support you can spare, is not only appreciated, but absolutely needed.

These words and experiences were very similar to what I experienced in the 1970's and '80's. I was mostly convinced that the world would be taken over by a charismatic Anti-christ that would start WW3 and pretty much put the world in the proverbial crapper. In the meantime, if we did not sin and gave enough money we would be whisked away to a place of safety where we would live on Cheeze Whiz, Vienna Sausage, and 6000 year old bird seed. This would only last seven years since Christ would return and do the atomic-butt drop on the Anti-Christ and seal him up where fallen angels go after being atomic-butt dropped by the big man, you know what I mean Brother!

Few if any read my blog so I may get a bit heretical in my rants, but I do have a point to make. There are extremely intelligent and influential Religious leaders. This is not limited to Christians as most of us are now aware, but my experience was Christian so they will be the scape goat.

Firstly, let me exclaim I am a spiritual man that believes the example of Christ's life is one for which we should all strive. I do have a few Gnostic tweaks thrown in with my mostly orthodox Christian views, but I mainly be that all men should have so much love for Christ that he literally becomes an entity that we can converse with.

That being said the first three paragraphs of this "parody" illustrates how motivated ministers can take, the Bible, current events and even lyrics of REM songs to instigate their flock into giving more, attending more, and even recruiting more members. Yes, the "biblical and apocryphal scriptures" that were quoted to show the signs and symbols of the coming of the Lord came straight from an REM song.

After the first verse that spoke about earthquakes, birds and snakes, an aeroplane--the next line is Lenny Bruce is not afraid. I'm no biblical scholar but I believe Lenny Bruce was a cutting edge comedian that overdosed in the 1960's--could be prophesy, but for what purpose?

The final verse of the REM song," It's the End of the World as We Know it and I Feel Fine", would challenge some of the best Preachers to turn this into an inspirational, yet fear-mongering message of monetary manipulation:

The other night I dreamt of kinves, continental
Drift Divide. Mountains sit in a line, Leonard Bernstein. Leonid Brezhnev, Lenny Bruce and Lester
Bangs. Birthday party, cheesecake, jelly bean, boom! You
Symbiotic, patriotic, slam book neck, right? Right

Ok, maybe some of the more talented Propagandist Preachers could bend this into a twisted message of the Loving Christ and Saviour of Humanity and Mankind return, but can we get real just for a second. If said Preacher received this message, the knives must be some type of retribution supernaturally, or otherwise. Secondly, God is going to cause a Continental Drift Divide for this retribution--it would seem that no matter which continent he caused the drift many innocence would be killed (unless of course he slid France into the Atlantic, those cheese eating surrender monkeys). But, what retribution would this have to do with the people listed.

Leonard Bernstein, talented, sinning, bi-sexual, composer---dead. Leonid Brezhnev, Godless communist, with some of the most impressive eyebrows in Soviet history--dead. Lenny Bruce, again cutting edge, but vulgar comedian that died of an overdose of heroin, this would also put him in the--dead category. Finally, Lester Bangs, a gonzo rock and roll journalist that was respected for his candor and integrity, sadly he died of an overdose of darvon and valium while fighting a cold--once again Lester would seem to be in the dead category.

So what is my point? There are some gracious, dedicated, clergymen that truly want to lead their congregations towards the way of God. Likewise, their are some power-hungry, greedy, bastards that care about growing their church by preaching whatever message is popular or resonates with the majority of the members. I experienced this first-hand, but if you doubt my story flip through some of the channels on Sunday and you will find a couple examples of what I'm writing about.

As an aside,the church my parents made me attend announced in the early 1980's that it would be OK for Hispanics and Anglos to date and/or marry, but African-Americans and Asians must not date outside their respective races. There was a quote from the bible that made this all legal and binding, but rather de-humanizing. Likewise, we attended church on the Sabbath, Saturday, just as the Jews. There was another biblical answer to why we should do this, but some years later I asked my wife's Great Uncle, a preacher, why most churches did not worship on Saturday, but Sunday. He of course had a very reasonable biblical reason answer that made me not sure which day was the real day of worship.

Then I heard the Muslims worshipped on Friday and I quickly came up with a plan for a four day work week, being a Sabbatarian, with Protestant leanings, who believed the Prophet Mohammed was the true emmisary of God. That plan did not work out so well since I previously tried to convince them that peyote was a sacred sacrament that I needed to use daily to please my Lord, Xiapitipical. I may have had a chance of pulling this off if I was not working in a Catholic diacose.

OK, so finally the summary, Evangilists quit the white supremist hate, Islamo-fascists quit the hate of the infidels, Red Sox fans quit the hate of the Yankees, Buhddists and Hindus do you hate anybody--although you know a good steak would not hurt. Oh, and the Catholics you control most of the Christian world--let's do something about that German Pope--I'm not completely sure this 1000 year Reich thing has completely played out.

Why Congress needs a lesson in Myths

I am currently reading Joseph Campbell. He can be a challenging read. He makes great jumps from Jewish mythology to Algoquin mythology and ties it together with moral challenges that we face in the inner-city. Campbell is intelligent and should be read by every person in congress if not the government in total. It is clear that this will not happen because of time constraints, fact finding missions and probably the congressman's inability to understand Campbell's intelligent prose ( this of course excludes your congressman, as you would not vote for a dolt that was only interested in trips to Dubai, of course this is obvious).

A point that Cambpell made that struck me like a bolt of lightning were myths taught mankind what was proper societal behavior. The mythology of the tribes and societies passed along what the Gods, Demi-gods, or Devils found appropriate and acceptable. In our advanced society we do not need Gods, Demi-gods or Devils to guide us in appropriate societal behavior--we have Judges, Senators and Congressmen to guide us. They are not immortal, but do believe they are infallible, god-like, beings that knows what is best for all of us. This collection of civil servants cannot even agree on protecting our own sovereignty with Mexico.

Campbell explained that the reason for the initiations of many tribes was not only to celebrate the graduation of the boy to the man, but the initiates responsibilities to the tribe-- supplying food, shelter and protection from rival tribes. These initiations were accompanied with many mythic stories and examples to enforce the sacred responsibilities of the initiate to his tribe. The myths were the societal glue of the tribe.

The United States had some exceptional myths that are now being debunked by the post-modern dolts. Manifest Destiny was not a myth, but an idea of mythic proportion which resulted in the US from sea to shining sea--along with some iron-clad sovereignty. Washington crossing the Delaware may not have been as romantic as the painting but it gave the colonies a rallying point and the United States a future quasi-myth to beat our chests. Andrew Jackson, by all accounts a real arse-hole, kicked butt at the battle of New Orleans, the only problem was the war was already over. Nonetheless, the Battle of New Orleans is another bragging point in our keepsake chest of mythology.

We now have a government that uses wars for political posturing rather than dominating the enemy and ending the conflict. Our "civil servants" cannot agree on how or if to protect our border with Mexico. The tribal mythos enforced sovereignty and prepared the tribal members to fight to the death. We have those tribal members, the volunteer army, but unfortunately our leadership is busy trying to invent their own myths.

Five hundred years from now what lessons will we learn from Al and Tipper inspiring Love Story, or his invention of the internet. Or, what about John Kerry's Schwarnegger-like destroying of the Viet Kong, while taking injuries in his rampage. Or what about Bill Clintons.... ah never mind you get the point.

Does God Hate Gays?

This is a question that has become very relevant in the past few years. One question that should be queried is does God exist? This is considered blasphemy by many evangelicals. They are viewed as heretics and should be put to death for their sins. Does this not go against one of the 10 commandments. OK, this is the dichotomy of God's commandments and his supposed followers.

Firstly, God. it would seem, does not have hate in his heart. Secondly, his devout followers believe that the bible is a virtual story. So, God is full of love, but the devout shall stone and execute those that are sinners. Fuck, this is some tough shit. God forgive me for my profanity and the devout bugger off.

Here is the reality of this essay, Gays have an agenda that will give them civil rights such as the African American. While Evangelicals have to battle this Gay agenda. Come on does this sound like some celestial plan that an omnimpent Deity would propagate?

Some answers to the queries proposed. God is probably not real pleased with buggery since it will not propagate the human race. God or some supreme deity probably exists, sure the scientist have theorised we crawled out of the mud and are now creating quantum computers. The earth may not have came to creation as Genesis documents. However, the evolved pollywog's that crawled out of the mud must theorised that there is a Deistic archaism that may have had a celestial evolution. Finally, the evangelical agenda is holy and righteous, but by whose terms. Perhaps, the evangelical righteous and holy beliefs are worshiping the deity of the mud crawling polliwogs, that science has theorised.

Finally, does God love gays, who the hell knows-- does he even exist, who the hell knows, do evangelicals have the right view on Gays-- who the hell knows. Do polliwog's have a supreme deity, yeah probably so. Do scientists have a correct theory on evolution, depends on the polliwogs deity.

All I know is saying faggot does not mean that God does not love them. And 30 days of "therapy" does not remove or negate years of hatred or racism. Isaiah Washington or Ann Coulter be damned , this is after all just a colloquialism God loves the Gays polliwog or anthropic,. Isaiah and Ann probably don' have any true hatred for the Gays. And the Evangelicals are all wankers and discriminators --or maybe not, this is obviously a clear cut case philosophical pantheism. Maybe, god is gay, what with the everlasting life and no reproduction. Stop me before I push the publish button.

Faggot??

I am troubled by all the people entering rehab for uttering the "F" word-- no, not the word you are thinking of but "faggot". I do not condone the use of the word, but I also believe people have the right to be oafs and use the term. Now the "F" word has become the new "N" word. Soon we may be able to converse by just using the letters of the alphabet.

What is troubling about this whole trend is many of the crackers are really trying to do the right thing and use the politically correct term. Noticed I used "crackers", it's OK-- I am one. I watched a great commentary about Black, or is it African American, or is it Black comedy. The show gave some great insight into some of the motivations of many of the comedians. The most compelling story was that of Richard Pryor, who was a successful comedian at a very young age. However, after a sabbatical he came back with a completely new act that used sexually explicit language, drug usage terminology, and yes, the word nigger.

Pryor was a genius. He crossed over racial lines with his cutting edge humor. He would in the same bit make fun of how white people would talk and walk when they encountered "niggers". For those offended by the "N" word I will only use it in quotation marks when it was used by Pryor or the other comedians.

To me, Pryor's greatest contribution to comedy and society is he made us laugh, at ourselves and each other. What Pryor realized, is by saying "nigger" is he removed any connotations or power the word once held. Think of that, essentially, one man changed centuries of thought and culture by being funny as hell and saying "nigger".

I hope one can see the similarities between the "N" word and the Faggot situation. The latest "scandal" is Ann Coulter's use of the word while speaking about John Edwards. Now, it is no mystery that Coulter is polarizing, but it was used in the context of a joke--besides John is kind of pretty and Coulter could argue that she was comparing Edwards as a straw man since that is one of the meanings of faggot. Admittedly, it may not have been in the best taste, but so goes the sparring of politics.

What is more demeaning and bias is the pure lack of the press and other Pro-homosexual lobbying groups to completely ignore the multi-cultural connotations of the word "Faggot". In Great Britain they have something called a Large Faggot worm--in my view that is much more demeaning than one's sexual orientation. In Great Britain the word "bloody" is frowned upon--why? There is also a pork meatball by the name faggot, although that may be more descriptive of Newt Gingrich than Edwards. Also the Brits have the term wanker--what the hell is that? In the South the term bugger is used as, "that was one tough bugger", but in many cultures the terms bugger and buggery are extremely frowned upon.

A derivative of faggot is fag and it has its' own meanings around the world. Some examples are, cigarettes, the Guatemalan Air Force, a German Ball Bearing company, a terrorist group in the Canary Islands and the evil Film Actors Guild depicted in Team America: World Police.

My point? Everybody just get over it. One of our most sacred rights as Americans is to be arseholes, (what is an arse in the US), and say ignorant and sometimes insulting things. The beautiful thing about this is the offended have the same right. Not to mention that if this hyper-sensitivity was expanded worldwide we would need another UN just to negotiate between countries to avoid nuclear annihilation and international chaos, e.g. US 'we have the rights to demean homosexuals with the term fag'; Germany' no we have the trade mark on our ball bearing company, Americaner sheistkopfs'. Then famed furniture maker Silas Kopf would file a complaint against the Germans using kopf as a pejorative. As one can see, it would quickly spiral out of control.

My Grandpa, a Swiss immigrant, who I'm sure received some pejorative slurs in his time, like many Swiss had Calvinistic leaning. For those that don't know much about Calvinism, it was essentially a Protestant movement against the Catholic church. So Grandpa would ask, "Who Poped?", anytime somebody broke wind. My point is only our family would understand the connotation of Grandpa's colloquialism. Grandpa compared the Vicar of Jesus Christ, Supreme Pontiff of the Universal Church, Bishop of Rome, Prince of the Apostles, Servant of the Servants of God, and pretty much the Grand Poobah of most of the Christian world to flatulence incarnate.

While I don't think Grandpa was a hater. However, those groups that do hate could easily use his tactic to change the idiom of said groups that they hate and continue on with their occult language of hate. Hitler did prove that language could create movements and hate, but conceptually it was thoughts and ideas that were right for the time that created his movement. Do we really think, that in any sane world that 30 days of rehab would replace a philosophical lifetime of hate or discrimination?

Our American birthright and destiny is the right to speak like this. It's not the most perfect society, but it is the best (sorry I can't cite the famous person that said this, but Winston Churchill might be a good bet). No race, creed or "group" should be immune from the pejorative terms, but it is hoped that respect and dignity would be given to all. The beauty part of this system is the demeaned have the same right to demean the demeanors--maybe it would be easier if we should just try to get along. For those are demeaned by any hate group, they should use Richard Pryor's example and simply disempower the pejoratives. Pryor did not accomplish this by showing every occasion of some idiot spewing bad language and manners on the talking head shows and all the cable news networks. Witness the "growth'" of the KKK and the Black Panthers; withering ghosts of the past.

Now that my rant is over I want to apologize to any members of the KKK, Black Panthers, Adolf Hitler, Grandpa, the Vicar of Christ, Catholics, Calvinists, Silas Kopf, any German ball bearing company, the conceptual UN needed to handle the hyper-critical word-nazis, the Guatemalan Air Force, any terrorist group in the Canary Islands, buggers, wankers, any person resembling a straw man or British meat ball, Richard Pryor, niggers, faggots, crackers, fags, and large gelatinous British worms and hope all is forgiven. I will now be entering the Fidelis Angelus Grupo rehab center in Palm Springs and will be unavailable for the next 30 days.