US GAS Rolls On

Response Editorial by: Fred Rancid

I am upset and perturbed by Wyndham-Price's response to my proposal to the USOC, since it has not been formally proposed for competitive flatulence to be included in the Olympic Games. I do feel betrayed or should I say back stabbed, but if I would have been more prepared for a flatulent outburst I doubt that Wyndham-Price's stooge could have ever leaked my plan.

Yes, I think the United States could have supremacy in competitive flatulence, but not because we are the United States, but because we are a nation of immigrants made up of many habits, diets, and flatulent capacities. Simply, farting is not expelling stinky gas with a bit of musical chamber, but, more of an art where one must expel, insinuate and inspire in one act of intestinal and rectal art.

If competitive flatulence is allowed into the Olympics only for volume of timber, or quality of stench then competitive flatulence is not worth being an art of the Olympics. Competitive Flatulence is more about wine tasting and competitive gymnastics. Imagine Nadia Comenici doing a perfect dismount while urinating a "1967 Cote de Beaunne-Villages" in a shot glass while not dropping a spot outside the dismount area.

It is not about blowing wind, or letting fly with massive stench; it is about letting the eternal wind loose while one honors the flavors, scents and manifestations of Gaiea. My vision of competitive flatulence is beauty, while I fear the world's is destructive bombardment. If that is the case, the world is not ready, nor sophisticated enough to handle true appreciation of the flatulent art.