Revelations, 9/11 and REM

"In a fire, representing seven games, in a government for hire in a combat site." I will not reveal which verse of the bible this comes from, but clearly it is prophetic and could very aptly describe our current situation. Another troubling scripture is,"Overflow, population, common food, but it will do. Save yourself, serve yourself. World serves its own needs..." As Christians we should not be surprised by the prophecies of the coming tribulations.

Recently, rabbinical experts found an apocryphal document that revealed absolute shocking proof of Heavenly prophecy. The initial verse translates to," That's great, it starts with an earthquake, birds and snakes, ( and a word that translates to aeroplane or flying machine)." Clearly, we have already felt the impact of the earthquake with the horrific tsunami that struck South East Asia. Likewise, the scourge of the bird flu continues to spread over our planet. Finally, the reference to the flying machine(s) can only be a reference to the 9/11 tragedy. Even more convincingly a few verses down closely translates to"Look at that low flying plane! Fine then-- Uh Oh." This must be the final prayers sent to God by those trapped in the unthinkable hell of the twin towers."

Now more than ever, we must tithe, pray and support our fellow Christian brothers and sisters. It is more important than ever that we financially support our Churches to prepare for the upcoming tragedies that will be inflicted on the Holy chosen one's of God's flock. Likewise, it would be wise for all to start stocking up on canned and freezed dried goods to help us make it through the Tribulation. As a Christian Brotherhood we will do our best to care for all our members, but there may be times when one must be self-sufficient. Your tithes are greatly appreciated , but in this dire and eminent crisis all financial support you can spare, is not only appreciated, but absolutely needed.

These words and experiences were very similar to what I experienced in the 1970's and '80's. I was mostly convinced that the world would be taken over by a charismatic Anti-christ that would start WW3 and pretty much put the world in the proverbial crapper. In the meantime, if we did not sin and gave enough money we would be whisked away to a place of safety where we would live on Cheeze Whiz, Vienna Sausage, and 6000 year old bird seed. This would only last seven years since Christ would return and do the atomic-butt drop on the Anti-Christ and seal him up where fallen angels go after being atomic-butt dropped by the big man, you know what I mean Brother!

Few if any read my blog so I may get a bit heretical in my rants, but I do have a point to make. There are extremely intelligent and influential Religious leaders. This is not limited to Christians as most of us are now aware, but my experience was Christian so they will be the scape goat.

Firstly, let me exclaim I am a spiritual man that believes the example of Christ's life is one for which we should all strive. I do have a few Gnostic tweaks thrown in with my mostly orthodox Christian views, but I mainly be that all men should have so much love for Christ that he literally becomes an entity that we can converse with.

That being said the first three paragraphs of this "parody" illustrates how motivated ministers can take, the Bible, current events and even lyrics of REM songs to instigate their flock into giving more, attending more, and even recruiting more members. Yes, the "biblical and apocryphal scriptures" that were quoted to show the signs and symbols of the coming of the Lord came straight from an REM song.

After the first verse that spoke about earthquakes, birds and snakes, an aeroplane--the next line is Lenny Bruce is not afraid. I'm no biblical scholar but I believe Lenny Bruce was a cutting edge comedian that overdosed in the 1960's--could be prophesy, but for what purpose?

The final verse of the REM song," It's the End of the World as We Know it and I Feel Fine", would challenge some of the best Preachers to turn this into an inspirational, yet fear-mongering message of monetary manipulation:

The other night I dreamt of kinves, continental
Drift Divide. Mountains sit in a line, Leonard Bernstein. Leonid Brezhnev, Lenny Bruce and Lester
Bangs. Birthday party, cheesecake, jelly bean, boom! You
Symbiotic, patriotic, slam book neck, right? Right

Ok, maybe some of the more talented Propagandist Preachers could bend this into a twisted message of the Loving Christ and Saviour of Humanity and Mankind return, but can we get real just for a second. If said Preacher received this message, the knives must be some type of retribution supernaturally, or otherwise. Secondly, God is going to cause a Continental Drift Divide for this retribution--it would seem that no matter which continent he caused the drift many innocence would be killed (unless of course he slid France into the Atlantic, those cheese eating surrender monkeys). But, what retribution would this have to do with the people listed.

Leonard Bernstein, talented, sinning, bi-sexual, composer---dead. Leonid Brezhnev, Godless communist, with some of the most impressive eyebrows in Soviet history--dead. Lenny Bruce, again cutting edge, but vulgar comedian that died of an overdose of heroin, this would also put him in the--dead category. Finally, Lester Bangs, a gonzo rock and roll journalist that was respected for his candor and integrity, sadly he died of an overdose of darvon and valium while fighting a cold--once again Lester would seem to be in the dead category.

So what is my point? There are some gracious, dedicated, clergymen that truly want to lead their congregations towards the way of God. Likewise, their are some power-hungry, greedy, bastards that care about growing their church by preaching whatever message is popular or resonates with the majority of the members. I experienced this first-hand, but if you doubt my story flip through some of the channels on Sunday and you will find a couple examples of what I'm writing about.

As an aside,the church my parents made me attend announced in the early 1980's that it would be OK for Hispanics and Anglos to date and/or marry, but African-Americans and Asians must not date outside their respective races. There was a quote from the bible that made this all legal and binding, but rather de-humanizing. Likewise, we attended church on the Sabbath, Saturday, just as the Jews. There was another biblical answer to why we should do this, but some years later I asked my wife's Great Uncle, a preacher, why most churches did not worship on Saturday, but Sunday. He of course had a very reasonable biblical reason answer that made me not sure which day was the real day of worship.

Then I heard the Muslims worshipped on Friday and I quickly came up with a plan for a four day work week, being a Sabbatarian, with Protestant leanings, who believed the Prophet Mohammed was the true emmisary of God. That plan did not work out so well since I previously tried to convince them that peyote was a sacred sacrament that I needed to use daily to please my Lord, Xiapitipical. I may have had a chance of pulling this off if I was not working in a Catholic diacose.

OK, so finally the summary, Evangilists quit the white supremist hate, Islamo-fascists quit the hate of the infidels, Red Sox fans quit the hate of the Yankees, Buhddists and Hindus do you hate anybody--although you know a good steak would not hurt. Oh, and the Catholics you control most of the Christian world--let's do something about that German Pope--I'm not completely sure this 1000 year Reich thing has completely played out.